How to be more confident with women

how-to-be-more-confident-with-women

Confidence is an interesting topic and teaching someone how to be more confident can be quite a challenge. How do you tell someone who’s terrified of something to just relax and be more confident? Easier said than done is an understatement. Let me explain.

Imagine the Zombie Apocalypse is coming and you’re freaking out. Then some jack ass tells you just to mellow out. Of course, you can’t, you’re terrified you’re gonna die, and you see no other way out… which is pretty logical from your point of view, understandably.

You might be wondering why the hell I’m talking about being terrified of dying during a zombie apocalypse. Let me reel this conversation back into real life.

I bring up this feeling of terror because that’s precisely the way I used to feel about women. I was terrified even just THINKING about talking to a woman….let alone actually asking out a girl I was attracted to. I felt like there was only ONE outcome…. I was gonna crash and burn, be humiliated and feel like I was gonna die. Flat out rejection is tough to take. Especially if that’s the ONLY feeling, you’ve experienced with women.

For the first several years of my life, my only experience with women was rejection. As a result, even the thought of asking a woman out would give me an overwhelming feeling of FEAR, just like the Zombie Apocalypse.

This feeling of FEAR caused me to think about finding some smart ways to talk to a woman and find out if she was attracted to me without directly asking her. A sort of code language to hit on her without her knowing that I’m hitting on her. A lot of guys asking me for ice breakers and opening lines to start conversations with women. As if speaking to her directly and confidently is not even an option.

I can understand this. A way to bypass that feeling of rejection sounds logical, but it’s completely illogical. This article is about confidence, and that doesn’t sound like confidence. It seems to chicken sh*t and like a whiny, insecure little bitch boy, a WILB I like to say.

If that was a little to harsh for you to take, let me back up real quick. Sometimes you need a crutch or a stepping stone technique to help break you into that new confidence zone. In order to be confident, your brain has to have SOME SORT of evidence to draw upon. If you haven’t had any success with women, you’re going to have a really hard time being confident about attracting one. Rather than diving right in, the brain will logically look for some crafty pickup lines and tricks to avoid getting even close to that FEAR feeling we are programmed to avoid at all costs.

If you’re going for direct confidence and you have zero previous evidence to draw upon you’re literally going to have to “fake it till you make it” and trick yourself into being that naturally confident man. Then once you’ve started having some success with women, you’ll naturally have evidence and memories to call up that support this positive emotion of confidence.

So what do you do until then to increase confidence?

If you’ve been following my material for any length of time at all, then you’re well aware of the various flirting tools, humour techniques, storytelling methods, body language indicators, and so on that, you can use to help spark attraction.

This stuff really works to help crack you out of your comfort zone and gather up some evidence to support your new feeling of confidence. However, after a while, if you’re addicted to some technique or seeking a particular reaction from a woman, you’re going to end up right back where you started.

Confused, lonely, rejected, and insecure.

Techniques, tools, and whatever you want to call them are for helping break through to the next level OR to be sprinkled in like a spice. Too much and it’s overkill and lame.

Confidence is about authenticity. Eventually, you’re going just to have to cut through the crap and speak the truth.

What is “Direct Confidence?” What is “TRUE CONFIDENCE?”

What I’m getting at here is after a while…you don’t need some “trick” to secretly hit on her without her knowing that your hitting on her. You can speak to her directly, like a man.

First, let’s define exactly what direct confidence is.

Direct confidence is very simple. It’s speaking to a woman directly with no bullsh*t. I like getting a picture of the Ultimate Confidant Man in your mind.

Let me help you out.  The Ultimate Confidant Man isn’t going to “ask” for her permission to take her out or “ask” to buy her a drink. Direct and True confidence isn’t seeking her approval or figuring out how to impress her or win her over.

He’s interacting with her on HIS TERMS. He’s leading the interaction, throwing out signals to her that say, “I’m in charge here, prove yourself to me.”

Let me give you a few examples…

An INSECURE man might say something like, “Can I have your number and take you out to dinner sometime?”

A guy who’s just read a newsletter of mine might use a crafty humor technique…

“So when are YOU taking me out to dinner?”

“If you’re fun, we should get together sometime.”

A guy who naturally confident and direct will say something like.

“Hey… you seem really cool. I’d like to get to know you and see what you are like. What’s your number?”

What do these 3 variations say about a man? Let’s break it down.

In the first example, “Can I have your number and take you out to dinner sometime?”

Sure this might work, not saying it doesn’t. However, for MOST men and for nearly ALL men who aren’t very good with women to begin with, this is going to come off very permissive seeking, insecure, and just plain BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!!!!

If you’re George Cloony, she’ll be excited yes. You see what I mean?

Now the next example.

“So when are YOU taking me out to dinner?”

“If you’re fun, we should get together sometime.”

First off, it’s fun. Flipping the script and asking a woman when SHE is going to take you out to dinner is practically a guaranteed laugh. Another fun technique is QUALIFYING a woman, “If you’re fun…” this gives YOU the power and says you aren’t quite sure about her. It lets her wander, and it sets you apart from all the lame dudes begging for her attention and approval. There are many other reasons I talk about with these examples, but that isn’t the point of this article.

The point I am trying to make with these techniques is they do work. If you aren’t very confident yet, it’s a clever way to get you through it and learn, plus it will soften the blow if you completely screw up. If you’ve developed your confidence, then these are fun tricks to sprinkle in when needed. However, after a while, you’ll have enough evidence to begin feeling truly confident. Then what?

Cut the bullsh*t and speak directly to her.

“Hey… you seem really cool. I’d like to get to know you and see what you are like. What’s your number?”

Now, what does THIS say? Read it again and let’s discuss.

“You SEEM really cool.” This says you’re interested but stops short of actually declaring that you think she’s cool, attractive, hot, or whatever. It speaks from a place of higher status, confidence, and control. You’re the man, telling an attractive woman that she SEEMS really cool. Not, “wow, you’re really pretty… I bet you have a boyfriend.” It says you’ve been around attractive women before and it takes time for you to develop your opinion of her fully.

Let’s further analyze.

“I’d like to get to know you and see what you’re like.” Again, you aren’t some insecure chump who’s already begging for her approval because she’s smoking hot and you got an instant woody. You’re saying you want to know what she’s like. You’re unsure about her. The reality is it takes time to get to know a woman. A confident mature and experienced man knows this. Hot women get hit on CONSTANTLY, I guarantee you that men RARELY if ever speak to her directly like this.

Finally, “What’s your number?” It’s really that simple. You’re asking in a way that you already assume it’s happening. You’re not asking for permission to have her number. Therefore, she doesn’t have even to think, “yes or no.”

Even with everything laid out before you in this article, you may still be terrified over interacting with a woman like this. Just keep in mind that a mature and confident man is always going to keep his cool. He’ll diffuse situations with humour, remain unaffected and unapologetic.

What I mean is this. If she flat out rejects you and insecure man would apologize or mumble some nonsense and run into a bush to cry. A confident man will hold his ground and keep cool.