Differentiating Yourself From Other Guys Online
Before I go into HOW to differentiate yourself, I need to explain to you the THREE main differentiation areas to focus on.
Three Core Difference Areas For Online Dating
The three core areas of differentiation for online dating are:
Area #1: The Way You
It’s assumed that you’re going to be the one making the first move. And mostly, that’s done by sending her the first email. If you send emails that are too forward, too long, too depressive, or generally simply crappy intros, you won’t get anywhere. Your emails will be deleted, and you won’t’ be able to move forward with the interaction.
Area #2: The Way You Present Yourself
This is mainly your dating profile. If (and only if) your email makes her smirk/smile/ laugh, looking at your online dating profile will be her immediate next move. Your profile needs to who you in your best light.
Area #3: How Available You Are
If she likes your first email AND your profile is intriguing, she’ll write back and be open to having further conversations. If you’re available 16 hours a day online, you’ll fail. You need to learn to curb your availability adequately – this way, you only give her a LITTLE BIT OF TIME, progressively.
Being Different: In Your First Online Dating Email
As I explained in my “what online dating is like for women ” section – being different is essential. There’s nothing special about me. But when you look at my dating profile, you’d think I’m the most exciting person you’ve met this year.
Every guy that uses online dating basically comes off like this: “I am a nice guy who doesn’t know what he really wants apart from getting into your pants. I like puppies and kittens, but only because I think that’s what women want to hear. In fact, I’d probably eat a kitten given the opportunity. ”
Guys also send the same “type” of emails to women. They are either too forward, such as this one:
“Hey. I saw you like cats. I like cats too. Maybe we can get together, and I can pet your pussy? LOL”
Or too long, such as this one:
“Hi, I saw your profile – I’d love to meet up and buy you dinner!
I’m a 33-year-old professional, young at heart. I live in the NYC area (White Plains), and I trail into the city for work a lot. I work as an accountant at PricewaterhouseCoopers, and I really enjoy my job. I like the challenge associated with counting out money … haha! I love my job and thank my lucky stars that I go to and leave work with a smile every day.
I enjoy spending time outside. Specifically, I like taking long walks, jogging, biking, rollerblading, walking my dog, and a whole bunch of other things! Looking to find a great girl like you to build a friendship with and hopefully something long-term. I like to wander the aisles of chapters looking for a book that will catch my eye, or head out for a walk down by the waterfront. I enjoy movies, and I love to discover new exciting places to eat. I’m looking for a girl that has a sense of humor, and the uncanny ability to make me laugh at all the right and wrong times.
My friends say I am funny, handsome, and have a vast knowledge of the most useless things. I guess I just want to find someone to help add that extra level of happiness to my life and share a big cookie and a hot chocolate with.
Do you like the big bang theory, the office, or criminal minds?
Or WAY too pathetic such as this online dating email:
“Hey, I saw your profile picture, and you are gorgeous. Check out my profile and if you like me, send me an email. I’d love to buy you dinner sometime!
I’ve made mistakes in the past and been blamed for things I never did and learned from it all. People are human, and if you don’t learn from your mistakes, then i feel sorry for you. I don’t like head games, say what is on your mind. With that said is there any real women out there that are looking for someone who won’t treat you like sh*t.
My hobbies are:
Motorcycles, Darts, Friends, Hoping to find someone interested in the same things I am. I love all kinds of music except opera. I like quiet nights at home in the winter. In the summer, I am found out on my motorcycle with friends and looking for a passenger in my life.
Well Not looking for someone who is interested in dating me and someone else.
Can’t figure women out there who are looking for someone who isn’t want two men. I’m a person who likes to give women the respect and pampering that you so deserve.
This is what 99% of guys send as the first email to women. When you submit this kind of email, she hears, “This guy just sent this exact same thing to 100 other girls. He’s sad and lonely and broken. He can’t even SPELL the words deserve or passenger properly. I don’t want to fix him. I want someone FUN. DELETE”.
This is precisely what you should NOT BE DOING when presenting yourself or contacting women online.
Online Dating First Emails: The Right Way
The right way to write a first online dating email can be found here. Here’s three that I like to use:
- “Hey – just checked you out, and you seem normal enough … now tell me … what’s really wrong with you?”
- “I’m not sure about you … you look nice enough, but there’s something that tells me you might not be as miss-goody-two-shoes as your pic might suggest … dunno if I should be talking to you or running away!”
- “There’s something about you that caught my eye, but it’s NOT what you think ;-)”
Notice how all of these are somewhat cocky and confident. They re nothing special, but they are all very short. There’s nothing actually “specific about her profile” or “telling her you are interesting.” All they do is challenge her. They build curiosity quickly. They make her smirk/smile/ laugh. And MOST OF ALL, it makes them CLICK onto my profile page. With this email, most girls want to LEARN ABOUT me. That’s the core emotion you want to get to. Any first email you send should target exactly these emotions.
Being Different: In Your Online Dating Profile
Online dating profiles are tricky. Guys don’t understand online dating profiles. Most men believe that the purpose is to show yourself in a positive light – when, in fact – it’s all about showing yourself in a “good enough” light.
Take a look at this profile, and tell me if it’s any good:
I want you to look closely at the following traits:
- Does his profile picture(S) (plural) really show who he is?
- Is what he wrote really magnetic?
Here are my questions to the guy above:
- Are you trying to look like Turtle from Entourage?
- WHY are you trying to look like Turtle from Encourage?
- You have more than one cap?
Now, take a look at my online dating profile …
My point is this – the way you design your profile is ULTRA meaningful. A dating profile has TWO goals:
- Goal ONE is to have women you email you back after viewing it.
- Goal TWO is to have women that “browse” for guys email you.
You need to think of your profile as a tactical tool. You ONLY use it to generate enough interest to get a response or the first email from her. When you email a woman, the first thing she’ll do – after she opens your wicked intro email, of course- the FIRST thing she’s going do is to go check your profile. She wants to get a sense of who you are. So – everything you let her learn about you needs to leverage the ABSOLUTE BEST assets you have to offer.
Basically, what I’m saying is if you want her to be INTERESTED, you need to be INTERESTING.
At this point, you might be wondering HOW you create an INTERESTING profile. So let’s analyze mine, just for fun. A dating profile might have a million pieces of information about you, but I want you to understand that only FOUR of them actually matter. So here they are, in order of importance:
- Your profile pic
- Your bio
- Your secondary pics – most sites today let you post more than one picture
- Your “tagline.”
What you want to do is optimize those FOUR areas women look at to be SUPER INTERESTING. What does that mean? Let’s go through them one by one.
The Dating Profile Picture
First, your profile pic. A good pic is classy and looks semi-professional. A bad pic … doesn’t exactly show a guy at his best (like in the bad profile above).
Your Online Dating Bio
Second, your bio – notice how my bio is SPECIFIC and CERTAIN. It’s not wishy-washy. You’ll want to come off as 100% confident – you’re a guy who treats online dating as a game – you’re playing for fun. You’re not desperate. I like to use a super simple set of “I want” ninja tactics in this section. Very often, I use this:
Some people like to call me a rebel, but I like to think of myself as a free spirit that only hard to nail down. Adventure is a BIG part of my life, and you need to have an open mind if you’re going to contact me.
I’m known to make people I like do things they have never done before. I love people that are willing to try anything. Skydiving, Speed Biking, Water Skiing are only part of the things that get my blood flowing. The other part is having someone next to me that’s more than just a pretty face. You need to be alive and passionate if you’re going to be with me. If you’re the kind of woman who just can’t let go, you probably won’t like being around me.
When you get in touch, I want to know about YOU. What makes you tick? What are you PASSIONATE about?
So what do I want in a woman? Well, that’s easy. I want a combination of Traci lords for the bedroom, Martha Stewart for the house, Betty Crocker in the kitchen, Gertrude Stein in conversation, Mary Poppins for the kids, Salma Hayek’s body, Sade’s voice, Grace Kelly’s style, Ingrid Bergman’s eyes, and Mother Theresa’s heart.
Easy enough? Didn’t scare you away? Good … let’s get together for a drink and see where this leads …
Can you spot why this is a super powerful bio? It’s confident. It tells a story. You don’t come off as a pussy who doesn’t know what he wants. Any girl CAN IDENTIFY WITH OF THE WOMEN you talk about. Every girl can identify with one of your requirements for a partner. And what they don’t HAVE as qualities, they’ll simply assume that they can still convince you they are that special girl. Now, do you get it? All of a sudden, with just a few lines of text, you’re making them WORK FOR YOUR ATTENTION. Congratulations! You’re now a CHALLENGE! Use this formula, and I GUARANTEE that your results will hockey stick into the stratosphere.
Using the profile I just showed you in combination with the first emails, I showed you took me from ONE reply every few days to an 85% reply rate – that’s not a small improvement.
Secondary Dating Pics
The WORST possible secondary pictures are one of you alone. They need to be more than just your face. You need to be DOING something REALLY interesting. Something YOU have a passion for. That could be riding a motorcycle, or my personal favorite, skydiving. Holding a small puppy also works REALLY well. One thing I love to do is post pics with other girls. Having women present in your dating pics subconsciously signals that you’re a guy that’s comfortable around women. She’s no longer picturing a boring date with an annoying guy – she’s now thinking that you might just be a fun guy to meet and have a chat with.
Every picture you put up must communicate something about you, above “how you look.” My favorite photos to use are of me skydiving with my motorcycle. I also have a good one of me at the grand canyon – I’ve got a set of 10 pics that communicate the fact that I’m a fun, exciting guy to be with.
Your Dating Tagline
Finally, you have your tagline – and I just wanted to take a minute to explain that this should be one that CHALLENGES women. You don’t want to put, “I’m a nice guy looking for a great girl.” Your TAGLINE needs to calling her with ONE phrase. It needs to add to the “awesomeness” you’ve created.
The same goes for anything you write in your profile. Your TAGLINE needs to challenge her with ONE phrase. It needs to “hook” her instantly and immediately. A few of my favorites are:
- “Future Ex-Boyfriend Seeking Future Ex-Girlfriend”
- “You must NOT be boring to read this profile!”
- “Seeking: Wealthy Supermodels”
- “Only You Can Save Me From eHarmony!”
Ideally, this tagline will set you up as being someone with a sense of humor that doesn’t take online dating too seriously.
The Immediate Results
Now, I can tell you that just by implementing these tactics – you should be able to get INSTANTLY MORE success with dating online. That is if you know how to look busy and know which sites to use for what purpose…