Approaching Women in Bar & Club Environments


I can talk about meeting women in bars & clubs all day long. When I was first starting to get this stuff figured out, this is where I did a lot of testing and learning. Today, I’m going to give you a few tips to help get you started.

When you think of approaching and meeting women, it’s pretty easy to get a cliche picture in your mind of some guy whipping out some cheesy pick up line on a girl while she’s waiting for a drink.

I always like to think of the movies when the bartender gives a woman a drink and lets her know it’s from “that guy” and the end of the bar. “Mr. Smooth” then waves back with a sly smile at the other side of the bar. She then goes over to join him or vice versa.

Yeah, okay, that’s how it works, eh? I should bite my tongue before I talk sh*t, I’ve never tried that. For all I know, it works…however, for most men, I have a feeling it doesn’t.

The reality is a bar and club environment is extremely stimulating. Loud music is blaring, there’s dark and crazy lighting, and probably about a hundred other dudes spilling their drink on her or offering to buy her one.

If you don’t have interesting, high energy and exciting conversation RIGHT AWAY, she’s gonna get bored really fast as to leave.

She’s all dolled up and looking good, she’s out on the town tonight, and she wants to have fun! Realizing this, it’s essential you avoid boring conversation. So don’t go down the road of talking about work, family, career, school, or whatever as a poor attempt to keep her attention. If this flows sparingly throughout the conversation, fine, just don’t depend or fallback to this stuff.

If things start to stall out, change the subject or leave and connect with her later. You’re at a bar, it’s okay to mingle and chat it up all over the place, plus it’s good for her to see you having a good time socializing. It’s evidence that you’re a fun and attractive guy that people like being around.

Here’s a few tips to help you out.

Lead the Conversation

She probably has her “club persona” on aka bitch shield. I don’t blame her; there’s probably hundreds of drunk dudes saying stupid sh*t to her all night. Show her you “get it” by keeping your cool and playing along. If she’s being rude, you’re unaffected by it, you’re having fun with or without her. This will separate you from all the drunk douche bags and quickly stimulate attraction within her.

One of my favorite ways to get in under the radar is to walk up to a woman right after she just blew off some chump and ask, “So that doesn’t even work on you, eh?” She’ll joke back and just keep up the fun energy. Say something like, “I wonder if that’s ever worked for him? I mean it’s gotta work on someone, I wonder what kind of woman responds to that?” She’ll usually laugh and share her thoughts.

Now you can start talking about the different types of guys and the women that are attracted to them. This creates a bond where you two are the ones that “get it,” and everyone else is crazy. This bond quickly turns into attraction.

Here are a few more tips.

“So how many drunk guys have bought you drinks tonight?” Let her respond and say, “Well, I drink whiskey n coke in case you’re feeling generous.” (I’ve been amazed at how many times a woman has actually bought me a drink from this.)

Point out some goofy drunk dude and say, “That guys been checking you out, you should go say hi to him.” After she laughs, joke about how you’re stunned, he isn’t her type. “What? That guy not attractive? What kind of woman are you!?” Now you can start teasing her about how superficial she is and have her spilling out all of the things that turn her on. Make her prove to you that she’s a genuine girl.

Friends and Other people

It’s highly unlikely that she came alone. She’s probably with a few other girlfriends or a mixed group of men and women. Introduce yourself to everyone and ask how they know each other; this is a very simple way to find out who’s together with who. Then get right back to the fun stuff and include them in the conversation. I’ve often found that guys in the group are often roommates, friends, relatives, or gay. So don’t assume she has a boyfriend just because she’s with guys.

However, these guys will often still be protective of her. This is why it’s important to introduce yourself and engage them in the conversation. More often than not, this will be enough to win their support of you. You can even start joking around with her friends.

Here are a few examples of how to engage her friends.

  • “You’re friends with this girl?” Then turn to her and say, “Wow, people like you? You have friends?” It’s a fun way to tease, and her friends will usually play along with you.
  • “So how long have you known this silly woman?” Let them share their story and then say, “So she’s worth getting to know, eh? You’d vouch for her?” Now her friends are cheerleaders for gaining your approval…magic!
  • Introduce your friends to her friends. It doesn’t even have to be your friends, it can be other people you met earlier in the night.

Now you’re the social butterfly that’s owning the whole place putting connections together, the high-status man in the room.